I knew the day would come so I guess I can say I'm not surprised. But it didn't hurt any less.
Earlier this week when picking Ben up from preschool I asked him who he sat with during snack time. He grew quiet. Not because he doesn't remember, but any time I ask him a question about his social life he changes the topic. Not today. He was brutally honest.
Me: "Who did you sit with today, Ben?"
Ben: "Um, no one."
Me: "Are you sure, no one? Which friend did you sit next to at snack time?"
Ben: "I sat with the teachers."
Me: "Why?"
Ben: "Because I don't have friends. No one likes me, they think I'm mean."
This is pretty hard stuff to hear from your 4 year old. But I can thank God for AJ who truly looks up to Ben in every light. I do think Ben has already sensed his difference from his peers. He does't like school and doesn't really care for any of his classmates. When one girl wished him a Happy Birthday at school he simply walked past her if she didn't exist. That doesn't mean he can't have a good time at a play date or participate in group activities. However, he also shows no concern about other children. On Tuesday Ben refused to enter the pool at swim lessons (though he was doing so great for weeks prior) because his swim instructor "cut her hair" (yes, she did have a new haircut, but only Ben took notice). This started the downward spiral for us around here this week. Other days he does great and surprises us all, such at his birthday party when he shared his beloved train cake and smiled through all the activities.
I mentioned before but Ben qualified for services through Loudoun County. To give you some more background, the school psychologist came to evaluate him and gave him a battery of tests. He tested on the high average on his IQ (not that it means anything at this age) but in other assessments he came back as probably for autism and high/probably likelihood for Aspergers. This is nothing new to me. But it is a good reminder that Ben IS different, despite how many other people who think he's fine.
In other GOOD fortune, the boys were accepted into a program at John's Hopkins Kennedy Krieger. It is a study for siblings of children of Autism. What does this mean for us (besides hours and hours of paperwork for me to complete and days of assessments in Baltimore for all three boys)? Essentially this will provide us even more information about ALL of our children at no cost. Believe it or not, the likelihood of having a 2nd child with Autism is even greater than the first. And if you have 2 children with autism, the the risk factor for the 3rd child becomes over 30%. Now I think AJ and Thomas are very different from Ben and most likely will be healthy and neurotypical. However, the gut issues and severe sensory aversions that AJ suffered always has me thinking...
Will keep you posted on what we find! Until next time, I'm trying to keep my sanity! :-)
