What does it mean to be a SAHM?

I would like to think my oldest friends would refer to me as someone who enjoyed having a good time, was stylish, was always punctual, and had interesting things to talk about. I used to have a career where the promotions involved pay raises (now they just involve caring for more children) and I was able to enjoy a lunch break or 60 minutes of peace in the car to and from my way to work. Well today I am a stay at home mom to 3 boys under the age of 4.

I was talking with some of my fellow mom friends and it prompted me to write this blog post for all the SAHMs out there. First, let me preface this by saying this isn't a comparison. I'm not saying my life is harder than someone who doesn't have children with the demands from a stressful job or a medical concern. I'm not saying staying home is harder that someone who is a working parent. I also know that being a single parent or parent whose spouse is deployed can only be ten times harder than what I'm experiencing so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt ;-) I'm just being real!

THE MOM FRUMP

What is the mom frump and why do SAHMs exhibit this? Before you start beating me up on why my brows aren't waxed or why my 3 inch stilettos are covered in 2 inches of dust, let me explain.

I wear Crocs 24/7 - If you carry a baby on your hip all day and spent the last three years in and out of maternity clothes as your weight fluctuated 40 pounds, you would too. My feet are my vehicle and I'm on them all day. I'm still in my PJs at noon and don't shower until after the kids go to bed. Why? Because I roll out of bed when the kids start screaming at 6am. So you may ask: why is it, then, that even though I'm tired (like everyone else in the world) I still can't look cute like the models in VS who are lounging around in their PINK sweatsuits? I buy my clothes at Target because it's cheaper, easier, and honestly, Mossimo has some pretty cute shit. I don't have that natural glow any more. I've aged 10 years in only 3 and while I can apply makeup in only 3 minutes (which used to take 30) I've chosen to spend the 10 minutes it would take to shower, dress, and make myself presentable to huff down a pop-tart and a cup of coffee. I can't even take a 2 minute restroom break without having someone screaming and banging on the other side of the door. I am plain and simple physically exhausted. Not only am I up at night with a baby, I go to bed at 11 because I'm up paying bills, doing laundry, washing dishes, responding to e-mails, and did I mention that I have a part-time job I work (because being a mom is a full time job whether you are at-home all day or not!) after the kids are in bed? The reason I can't do any of these things during the day is because I'm changing diapers, ensuring safety, taking kids to activities, cooking 3 meals for 4 other people (half or which I'm preparing different meals for each person), picking up toys, hand washing bottles, breaking up fights, and preventing original artwork from my children to cover my walls. Being a mother means it takes me 45 minutes to do something that takes someone else 15. A simple trip to the Walgreens pharmacy drive through requires at least one hour of getting the kids fed, pottied, changed, dressed and in the car. My recycling bin is the evidence that Amazon.com is losing money off their PRIME memberships.

FREE TIME

This is really just a joke. But then there's nap time... where I get to do fun things like this, update my blog, send e-mails to friends asking their opinion on car seats, making appointments with pediatricians, shopping for my groceries online (actually shopping IN the store is physically not possible), and researching whatever it is I've planned 6 months in advance. If I'm REALLY lucky during the boys nap time (where I get a full 30-40 minutes where they overlap) I will lay down myself and have PEACE! This isn't because I have nothing better to do, but it's to rejuvenate. To prepare for the afternoon... the witching hours. Because my life is a full on marathon, and there's never a time to break. It's no wonder I don't feel romantic at the end of the night!

But you're thinking, Lisa.... I KNOW you have free time - after all you update Facebook about 100 times a day. You got me... I do check FB... a lot. This is my connection to the outside world. It truly is my 'social network'. How crazy and lonely would you feel if you spent 24/7 cooped up in a house where the only interaction you received was from your son screaming to wipe his ass or sharing 3 words between your husband before you both trudge off to work when the kids are down. I check FB in between replenishing cereal & sippy cups, organizing 1 of 110 train toys, or cleaning up the crumbs off the floor. A 20 second FB breather is a gift I give to myself.

I will say that I am lucky enough to have dual monitors (with my job its more of a necessity) and let the boys watch YouTube videos of Thomas while I order diapers, edit photos, or research occupational therapists on the other screen. It's really relaxing when I have my lap full of three kids (literally) on a full bladder who are eating my lunch right out from under me. (And everyone wonders how I've kept the baby weight off!) 'Chatting' on the phone is reserved for those SPECIAL MOMENTS where I lock myself in a room to make a calls to my insurance company (the claim was denied?!), my clients, or to schedule appointments. Heaven help me if I try and have a personal conversation with my husband, mother, or a friend on the phone. I reserve the 8 minute car ride to the library while the kids are strapped down to do things like that.

So I do have the opportunity to watch Bachelor Pad and Jersey Shore. Ever heard of a DVR? It takes me about one full week to get through 3 hours of programing. 10 minutes here, 5 minutes there. If I'm lucky I'll get 15 minutes while I feed the baby a bottle. That's my 'break'. I live varcariously through Snooki as I watch her party till dawn and sleep until noon.

I have 3 books I'm dying to read right now. But they come behind all of the self-help books I'm reading about Autism, Photography, or getting my infant to sleep through the night.

WEEKENDS

My weekends? They aren't spent frolicking in the fields with my kids while Seth and I enjoy a picnic lunch. Those are spent at Costco, mowing the grass, soccer practice, church (ummm, we need to work on this one), cleaning the house, attending birthday parties/weddings/etc. or spending time on my career as a photographer as this is when other people make time for family portraits. Single friends can't understand why we just can't "hang out" like we used to. First, finding a sitter to watch our children is like asking someone to sit in an Ape House for 5 hours. And we don't want to put that on anyone. When we are fortunate enough to hire a sitter, a night out virtually doubles in cost.

CONFESSIONS

I admit to bribing my children with gummy bears and trips to the park to get 5 minutes to complete a task. I admit to playing movies... on repeat. I admit I leave my children in their PJ until its time for their next bath. I also threaten them that cops or monsters will get them if they don't do as I say. I admit I'm not perfect. But that's part of being a mom.

PEACE
My peace is in the dentist chair, hospital bed, or sitting in traffic where I can listen to noise that doesn't involve Dora or Curious George. And of course my 'girl time' - when I get a few hours a month when all the other moms get together and see a movie, drink some wine, and enjoy dinner without having to worry about anyone else.

Soooo, if you're a parent, you understand. You've made sacricies. Not only financially but you've invested your time, your energy, and love. I just recently questioned one of AJ's preschool teachers (who has 5 children of her own and runs a preschool for 2 year olds out of her basement) "ARE YOU CRAZY"? Her response was a great reminder of why we have and love our children. She said there is no greater joy than seeing toddlers learn something new, or see their face light up when they are happy. It really is the purpose of my life! I am very blessed to have three wonderful and loving boys, despite all I've just written.

I've been told the days are long and years are short. It is true... while I'll never feel like I have enough time in the day to do the things I want I look back at Ben just two short years ago and feel sad b/c I don't remember the days (to be honest, I don't remember what I ate for breakfast this morning either). This it truly is an adventure I'll never regret, no matter how many FB status updates tell you otherwise!